I give bear hugs.

I am sitting in my office at the health centre in Mkanda and there is a kid sitting on the floor wearing a filthy ripped shirt that says “I give bear hugs”.

So much has happened since we last talked and I’m struggling with where to begin.
I’ve returned from the summer retreat feeling revitalized, motivated and focused. I love living here, but I gotta say, four days of hanging out with English speaking Canadians was necessary for my soul. We had long work days and I stayed up all night almost every night surrounded by loved ones, singing familiar songs by the fire. This was one of many times this summer I have been at the peak of happiness.

In Depth Update



This is my map of myself these days. The categories are: home, work, Canada, aha moments and self. If you can zoom in somehow you’ll be able to see where I’m at. I’d say generally, I’m doing fantastic. I’m super happy, I love my host family, I’m reading a tonne, eating great food but I’m in a phase now where I’m identifying some of the things that are making me unhappy/unmotivated and figuring out how to change them. I don’t want this post to seem like I’m complaining because I’m not; I just want to paint a balanced picture of life as a short term EWB volunteer.

Self
I’m loving life. I’m reading on the walk to and from work every day which brings buckets of joy to my life. When I’m in school I can’t recreationally read so I’m pounding back the fiction while I’m here. I’m so happy I didn’t bring books about development or physics. When I’m not reading, I’m writing letters or journaling or blogging and I’m realizing how much I love it.

Family- My experience here has given me a new perspective on family and I’m looking forward to coming home and spending some serious time with my folks. I wish I had the opportunity, like I do here, to sit down with my family every night and shoot the shit about nothing, which is actually everything.

Staying in the moment- I rarely feel bummed out because I’ve semi-learned how to snap out of it. I am in Malawi for 3 short months and this is it! Who knows if I’ll ever have another opportunity to come here and spend time with these beautiful people? I am really trying to be here while I’m here, not wishing I was at that festival with my friends or on the dock with my family. I know that in no time at all, I’ll be living in Canada and thinking about my time here and I’ll be kicking myself if I wasn’t the mentally here while I was physically here.

Home Life
So my situation is really good. I haven’t experienced anything horrific like some volunteers of the past. I have my own room, a loving family and I am well fed. I just want to share with you some of the things that are getting in the way of perfection.

Electricity- At first this was a major adjustment. I would fantasize about having an electrical outlet. Then, I identified the true problem as my phone because I got ripped off and the battery only lasted 15 minutes (which was extremely disheartening). I bought a new phone (the battery lasts 3 days!) and I’ve decided to charge my computer regularly. I’ve worked out that I need 8 hours of electricity every week to be truly happy.

Freedom- I’m living in a man’s household which means I am abiding by the man’s rules. It is very different from being a 21 year old Canadian girl who’s been living on her own for four years. I can’t be out past sunset which limits my adventure time and social time. If I want to explore, I must have a male escort with me at all times. Sometimes, Pearson is even surprised when I go somewhere in the daytime without a male escort. I have now acquired male friends so hopefully I’m going to start living a little more.

Work/Project

Definition of work- I love outputs. I’m an output kinda gal. I like starting a project, finishing it and having something printed at the end of the day. I guess this is the problem with development because it’s common to love outputs and progress cannot always be written in some report or quantified. I was waiting for funding for a while and conducted a survey during that time (output) and now I’m wondering what the heck can I do with the results? What resources do we have to deal with the challenges brought up in the survey? I now have a good idea of what’s going on in the area and now I only have 7 weeks to deal with it. Holy smokes. I am overwhelmed.

White man- I am a 21 year old white engineering student from Canada which brings me down sometimes. Where do I fit in the sanitation scheme in rural Malawi? I have really been trying to identify my strengths and the value that I can add to this program. I have recognized that I’m good at facilitating, in my time with EWB I’ve learned how to do good reflection and I am a good planner. I made a sweet work plan for myself in the next 7 weeks and I have interspersed the task force’s schedule with review meetings, workshops and reflection sessions. I will be planning my sessions to be as participatory as possible so that we can all learn from each other as opposed to me lecturing.

CLTS- There are some obvious challenges with CLTS in my region. I’m questioning its scale up and the resources available for the program. I have been thinking a lot about the importance of training and follow ups and wish I could stay here longer to see CLTS become more successful. We can talk more about this when I get home and when I have a more educated and diverse opinion about CLTS Malawi.
Workspace- as I mentioned before…babies crying all the time.

Oh Canada!

Chapter- I feel pretty good about this on my side. I’ve been writing you all letters (waiting for addresses- ) and I hope my blog has been engaging you in my placement. I know the chapter is in summer mode so I understand if my placement isn’t on the top of your priority list, but please know that you’re at the top of mine. Many days, I don’t have meetings or work to do so I spend it writing to you or planning the education sessions we’ll have next year. If you’re reading this, take a minute and check out your expectations of me. Shoot me an email and give me feedback on how I can meet them better.

Def tone- you’re a shining star, tony. Thanks for being so supportive.

Family- You can call me anytime between the hours of 9am-2pm. I’ll be awake and my phone is usually charged up.

Aha! Moments

The education system brings me down- I don’t know too much about it but it frustrates me that most of the textbooks are in English when a typical Malawian becomes fluent in English at a grade 11 level. It’s just an extra barrier to learning when it’s not in the local language. It also upsets me that attending school is only semi-disciplined.

Opportunity- There is not opportunity to get a loan here or capital if you wanted to go to school or start a business. Many people are unemployed and women don’t work. One day I was sitting on the reed mat with the ladies shelling groundnuts and I realized that they will do this every day for the rest of their lives. People seem happy in their day to day but I wonder how satisfied they are with their lives and I wonder about their dreams and ambitions. I asked Monica if she likes Malawi and she said no. She told me the only thing she likes about Malawi is the food and the reason she doesn’t like it is because there’s no money. I have a better idea of what it means to be a developing country now. The education system needs development, there are no jobs, there are shitty roads, no garbage collection/awareness of sanitation. Holy smokes. I am overwhelmed.

Humanity- People want stuff. People love technology. People will want bigger, better and faster technology and those without it will feel left behind. Technology is seen as prosperity around here. I wish people could be satisfied with the little things. It saddens me when people fail to recognize the value of community. They tell me how Canada is better and I can hardly explain to them that most people in Canada are addicted to electronics, their social skills are eroding and we don’t spend time with our families. I wish there could be a balance between technology and community.

Self- I’ve been thinking a lot lately about whether development work is for me and if this is something that I want to pursue in my future. The systems are so messed up! Engineers are all about systems! I always thought this is what I wanted my life to be and I’m wondering now if I have the right skills for it, if my strengths and personality is best suited for a life in development. I’m learning that I’m a super systematic, organized, output driven thinker and development doesn’t align with most of those qualities. What will I be? This is a tough question looming in my mind with only one year of education left…

That's about where I'm at. Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear where you're at. Email me anytime and I guarantee a response. Perhaps not immediate, but a response will come your way!

love kate!